I get keeping sex new and interesting, but how the hell do I spice up foreplay?

I don’t know how you missed it, but sex and foreplay have been operating as one entity for a long time now—since at least the mid-1970s. You hardly ever see them apart outside of prison. I think what you’re really asking is how to spice up your sex life. Don’t be ashamed: “How can I spice up my sex life?” is a fine sex question from the old school. You should not be at all embarrassed by its blaring mediocrity.

The best way to spice up your sex life, according to people who think about your sex life, is to simply start your seduction earlier in the day. I’m not sure if that will work, but I think you could certainly benefit from the extra time. Sexologist Dr. Rachael Ross suggests you start by taking out the trash. That is not a metaphor. “It’s as simple as taking the trash out, buying something nice, or doing something she’s been asking you to do all this time that you haven’t done,” she says. “Guys sometimes don’t understand that a woman’s sex drive is tied right to that.”

After you’ve done all your chores, Ross says you can text your intended lots of compliments throughout the day and perhaps “buy her something.” Why? “Women like gifts. Gifts come, sex follows. Lead with a gift, and/or go down on her.”

Now, read that quote again and write it down if you have to. You will find it to be an indispensable bit of wisdom as you go through life.

Then, when you feel ready, you can try incorporating pornography and toys into your sex life. I know that seems easier said than done, but remember that you live in an age when these things have never been more effortlessly attainable. (And again, please don’t take that to mean anything about your intelligence.) Just try to take her taste into consideration when selecting titles, and for toys, use the same rule you would for putting together a cheese plate: a hard one, a soft one, and something blue-veined. Good luck, and if you need any more help, please don’t hesitate to ask.